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Don’t you know Pringles scented air increases an engine’s combustion? So next time your air intake hose gets damaged or you just want to improve the performance of your engine, just cut out a piece of that intake house, replace it with a Pringles can, and mend it in there securely with your trusty ole duct tape. Now you know what car tuners are talkin about when they talk about “chip’ing” their engine to improve performance. And here you thought it had something to do with one of them fancy microchips.

Have you ever wondered what Microsoft Windows would be like if Bill gates were a redneck? Well, we did. Here is what we come up wit:

1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle
3. Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a heftybag
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa
5. Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos
6. The Recycle Bin in Winders XP would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you’d hear a digitized drunkredneck yelling Feebird!
8. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt
9. Microsoft’s programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Bishul C++
10. Winders XP logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
11. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
12. New Shutdown wav: Y’all come back now, Yah hear?
13. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called “Cuz”
14. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am
15. Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse
16. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver
17. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire
18. Speadsheet software would include examples in inventory “dead cars in your front yard”
19. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
20. Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad

I was going to go hunting, but my dogs, Grits and Gravy, just don't fit the redneck dog look.  Below is a true sporting redneck dog look....should be in Top Dog Magazine......

Comments and Graphics - Layouts - Photobucket

 You are seeing it with your own eyes.  An actual cow wash in Texas.....

 I have been looking for ways to cut down on my energy costs, mainly electric.  This has worked so far.  Of course, a little slober might be left, but what the heck.......

 Just a little redneck humor to get your Sunday going.  I hope everyone has a good day.  We are hanging in there..... just keep trying to take each day at a time.  

 Hope this gives someone a good chuckle.......

Now this is the way to cook hotdogs!!!! Am I right, or am I right...........

Visit MyCoolEspacio.com

Okra December 22 - January 20
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

Chitlin January 21 - February 19
Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

Boll Weevil February 20 - March 20
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

Moon Pie March 21 - April 20
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

Possum April 21 - May 21
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't-bother-me-about-it" attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running you over.

Crawfish May 22 - June 21
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically.

Collards June 22 - July 23
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

Catfish July 24 - August 23
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

Grits August 24 - September 23
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.

Boiled Peanuts September 24 - October 23
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

Butter Bean October 24 - November 22
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

Armadillo November 23 - December 21
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you?Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another mating possibility.

Kudzu is green, My dog's name is Blue And I'm so lucky, To have a sweet thang like you.

Your hair is like cornsilk, A-flappin' in the breeze. Softer than Blue's, And without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, Which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales, But I luv you anyway.

You have all your teeth, For which I am proud I hold my head high, When we're in a crowd.

Still them fellers at work, They all want to know, What I did to deserve, Such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duck tape, Yo're there fer yore man, To patch up life's troubles, And stick 'em in the can.

Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler, Racin' through the mud, Yet fragile as that sanger Named Naomi Judd.

When you hold me real tight Like a padded gunrack My life is complete Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection, Like the best vinyl sidin' Despite all the years Yore age keeps on hidin'

And when you get old, Like a '57 Chevy Won't put you on blocks, And let grass grow up heavy.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, With a RC cold drank, We go together, Like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate For Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-mart, It's romantic that way.

Some men they buy diamonds From a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," They explain, suave and couth.

But, I got you a gift, Without taste nor odor, Better than diamonds... It's a new trollin' motor!

--Anonymous

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people down home are. We challenge any so-called smart Know-It-All to take this exam administered by the "Southern States Professional HILLBILLY Engineer Licensing Department."

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
a '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet, a '67 Chevelle, or a '64 Pontiac GTO. Support your answer.

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?


If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.